


Bored in Valinor

by octopus_fool



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Community: hobbit_kink, Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Mentions of incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 16:40:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octopus_fool/pseuds/octopus_fool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Valar are incredibly bored and begin discussing which members of Thorin's Company they could pair up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bored in Valinor

**Author's Note:**

> This one came into existence as a [misfire fill](http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/7346.html?thread=16848306&).

Nobody ever realized just how bored the Valar really were after millennia in Valinor. 

“What news is there from beyond the sea?” Tulkas asked, tapping a rhythm on his armour. 

“My eagles bring word that Olórin is leading a band of dwarrows towards Taur-nu-Fuin and Erebor beyond.” Manwë replied.

“Thorin Oakenshield intends to regain his kingdom with the help of his nephews, some cousins and other dwarrows as well as a perian,” Aulë added.

“Are they perhaps in need of aid? What of the threat from Mairon?” Oromë ran his hands over his bow.

"Olórin and Curumo are dealing with it with the help of Elrond and Galadriel of the Eldar. They have it well under control,” Manwë said.

There was a collective sigh of disappointment and Tulkas voiced their discontent. “Things are so incredibly monotonous here in Valinor. Nothing _ever_ happens!” 

The others nodded and fell into silence. It was only interrupted by an occasional snore from Estë.

“Shall we weave them some lesser tales for their journey?” Vairë finally suggested, breaking the silence.

A grin lit Irmo’s face. “Let us do so. I will send them dreams. Shall we weave them tales of love and desire?”

Vairë nodded eagerly but Mandos sighed and shook his head. “Do my brother and my wife have naught to do but torment me with whimsical ideas?”

“Exactly, that is the problem here,” Irmo said. “There really _is_ nothing else to do, cut off from Endor as we are.” He glanced at Manwë.

“We are not having this discussion again!” Manwë thundered. “We have had argument after argument about it....”

“So what of these plans for the dwarrows?” Varda asked, putting a calming hand on her husband’s arm. Manwë grumbled but fell silent. 

“Yes, whom shall I send dreams of love and longing?” Irmo asked.

“How about those charming young dwarrows, the brothers? They would look lovely together,” Nessa suggested, twirling about the clearing they were sitting in. “Or we could also add their uncle in; I do enjoy seeing the broody ones softened by love.”

“Oh, we really shouldn’t do that,” Nienna said, “just think of all the sad tales there are of such love. Need I remind you all of Turin and Nienor?”  
New tears ran down her face and Mandos patted her knee.

Irmo looked slightly guilty. “Do not worry, dear sister. We will make it a joyful tale.”

Nienna looked doubtful. “I certainly hope so. I still think you should choose a different couple.”

“But this will be entirely different!” Nessa said eagerly. “Melkor is not there to cause them grief and they are unable to conceive a child. There will be no problems at all!”

“I for one do not see why the tales we will set into their minds need to be romantic at all. Can we not simply have Thorin, Balin or Glóin dream of forging one of the greatest weapons of all times?” Aulë asked.

Tulkas nodded. “I think romantic tales are overrated as well.”

Nessa stopped dancing and pouted. “But I came up with the idea and seeing love unfold is always such fun.”

“Well, at least it does not have to be _that_ couple,” Aulë said. “I am really not fond of Durincest.”

“How about kindling a spark between Thorin and Dwalin? Two strong warriors, having gone through countless battles together...” Oromë’s glance at Tulkas was none too subtle. 

Vána scowled and gave him a kick against the leg. “I’d like to see Thorin paired with the perian. It would be interesting to see them overcome their differences.”

Oromë snorted but Yavanna nodded eagerly. “I’d also love to see Thorin falling in love with Bilbo, no matter what the reasons.”

Vairë laughed. “As if the reasoning behind your choice is so hard to understand. What about the others? Thorin is not the only one whose heart we could influence. What about Dwalin and Kíli?”

Oromë frowned. “But what of the age difference?”

Nienna nodded sadly. “Kíli would spend much of his life mourning Dwalin. How could you want to cause such heartbreak?”

Mandos laughed darkly. “I wouldn’t worry about that too much.”

The others cast him a look but knew he couldn’t say much when one of his premonitions struck.

“Nori and Dwalin would be an interesting combination,” Vána pointed out. “There would be so many interesting conflicts to overcome...”

“I still don’t see why you think conflicts make a good tale,” Oromë said to his wife.

“Well, what about Bifur and Óin?” Nienna asked. “They would surely take wonderful care of each other.”

Nessa scoffed. “You always come up with the strangest, most unappealing couples. Bofur and Bilbo would at least look good together.”

“I like Balin and Ori,” Mandos said. 

The others stared at him. 

“Well, that’s an interesting choice,” Varda stated drily.

“Well, they are both remarkably bookish. And I have a bit of a feeling about them...”

“But... Ori is still so young!” Nienna began crying again and Irmo scowled at their brother.  
“You really need to stay out of these discussions, Mandos.”

“Fine. I told you the entire thing was a stupid idea.” Mandos crossed his arms.

“Do we only have to focus on the interactions between Thorin’s companions? Surely, they’ll meet others on their way too?” Yavanna asked.

“Oh, good point!” Irmo agreed. “They’ll be passing through Taur-nu-Fuin soon. So what about Legolas and, let’s say...”

“Sorry, not Legolas,” Varda interrupted. “I have other plans for him.” A mischievous smile lit her face.

“Do tell!” Nessa demanded.

“All in due time. But I think you’ll like my plans.”

Irmo turned to Manwë. “What about you? Who would you like to see in love?”

Manwë shrugged his shoulders. “At the end of the day, you're the one who will be putting effort into this. It's totally your call.”


End file.
